It was not quite right... Ya' know?

I did a little soul searching in the last few months. Okay fine. Life circumstances cut me off from my editor for a bit. Anyway. At some point she asked me to work on self editing the novel based on what we had done. I sank into it and the more I read it. The more I fell into what I'm calling Stephen King syndrome. "This could be better..."

I got a good four chapters in and I realized a few things. Things that made me realize the draft we had was not bad. But it needed to be better. It needed more of my own voice in it.

I had been live drafting stories that surrounded FiHV on tiktok for some time now. Those stories my editor told me:

"None of this needs work. Its perfect as it is. It paints a vivid picture. its not over worded and its you to the core."

FiHV would need to follow the same principals or else it would come off differently than intended. So, here comes the part where I am brutally honest with myself.

Some chapters were simply too long.

Chapter one in itself was around 6k words. That is a lot to chew through for someone to crack open and read. I ended up breaking chapter one into multiple smaller chapters. I also edited some things in there that needed either taken out or reworked.

The Attack.

The attack was far too public and later on it was simply glossed over with a simple meeting between Viv and the school board.

This time around. Its more stealthy. Its not chaos. Its perpetrated by one Strigoi. Instead of three. Keiran hunts. He picks up on Andrei and Viviana talking. Marks Andrei as his target.

Later Andrei finally gets up the nerve to directly tell Viviana his feelings and BAM. Keiran shows up. Mortally wounds our book boyfriend to be and leaves Viviana the choice to turn him or let him die.

The Turning

The last bit is the first major divergence. The second is not glossing over Andrei's transition from human to vampire.

He still has his inbuilt compulsion. You know. Dying words / thoughts become your new reason and outlook on unliving.

We tease Andrei's abilities early this time. Not suddenly hemomancy. Viviana sees it happen when he is actively dying. She watches his blood marble on her jacket and roll toward him. The thread is there.

The mental archives and telepathy is explained in this part. Thus giving Andrei something to do. Study and a more or less direct link to Viviana.

However this time around. Andrei is not just jamming out in his drawers to the Miami Vice theme while Viviana is meeting at the school. Okay that did not happen the first time around but you know. Funny image.

This time there is no meeting and Viviana has to carry on her daily life.

I did however opt to keep one of my silly lines and passages from the first draft. It's there for a reason. One last moment of levity hinting that Viviana knows the hell he is about to go through.

Viviana put her hair up and he could have sworn he saw her blush.

“I have no intentions of seducing you, least not till after finals.” She said as she slipped her heels on and made for the door.

“You would not have too…” he said under his breath.

[’Well the fuck aware Andrei…’] Viviana's voice clear in his head.

Andrei stood up finally his muscles knitted together enough that he was not going to fall over just for walking.

“Wait…” he said as he caught up to Viviana who was grabbing her keys. She looked over her shoulder.

“Bloodbags are in the fridge. DO NOT go outside. The wards keep the world out but not the sun.”

Andrei reached out to put a hand on her shoulder but she was too fast. “What did you mean by -“ The door shut behind her. “- Finals….”

He heard the engine of the Maserati turn over and he was left alone in the mansion.

Slowly he started laughing till it washed over him like a wave. He was a newblood vampire, his maker was an absolute Goddess to him. There were far worse ways to start a new unlife.

Andrei is left alone to battle the growing thirst. He does what he can. But in the end Viviana comes back that night to find he has completely succumb to bloodlust.

Detox and Viviana's "Finals"

Viviana ends up giving him the most brutal detox program ever. I wanted this whole sequence to play out with a sense of drug addiction horror. Andrei has his own voice in his head taunting him. Viviana is fighting what could be a losing battle with him.

The end result is the two of them bond and get closer. Not quite romance close just yet but the threading is there. Day three rolls around. Andrei is more or less back to normal. His eyes hold that amber vamper tone. He is able to control the thirst.

His mom calls. Fearful his father is going to kill her.

This scene was not meant to happen till book two but it made perfect sense of rework it as Viviana's final test of Andrei before she is willing to see him as a true vampire.

We see in this scene a few things. The level of sway Viviana has over Andrei. The level of control Andrei has over himself. Andrei's transition from sad broken boy to feral, angry and possessing the power to not be that again.

Andrei understands this, but now he has something new to contend with. Not just the feeling and taste of blood being his drug of choice. He has had a taste for murder. Even if done for the right reasons.

Conclusion

So to say this version of the novel will be darker and more horror, thriller, dark romance centric is an accurate statement. It holds my own voice and what I feel is the proper idea for what my muse and I had pictured. The last version was good. This version has the last version as scaffolding, So it should not take nearly as long to write. I intend it to be polished, fleshed out, and hopefully worth the wait.

Thanks for sticking with me, love you all!

-- Ambrose.